Todays Weather in India – Low 80s, Not a Cloud in the Sky.


In case you’re interested, the weather in India is really quite lovely this week. The humidity’s low, there’s no wind whatsoever, it’s sunny and in the low to mid 80s. I’m not thinking about going there or anything, but it does sound like lovely golf weather, I’d say.

Not only that, but the economic conditions in India, while they’re not what they were a year or more ago, are still not that bad. Jobs are pretty easy to come by and the young people are generally optimistic about the future. It sounds like a pretty nice place to visit, although I’m pretty sure I couldn’t live there. I’m a U.S.A. kid and it’s hard for me to be out of the country for more than a month. I start craving American crap; McDonald’s even… so, sue me.

Outside of the occasional disaster, terrorist attack, a disagreement with Pakistan, or something about man-eating tigers, I never really give India a second thought really… until today when I had the most interesting cultural experience. I met someone from India… not in person, mind you… but while on the phone. That book was right… the world truly is “flat”.


It was totally unexpected too, which made it all the more interesting. When I dialed the number I was calling, the last thing I expected was to meet a nice young Indian man named Ashmi; I think that was his name anyway, it was difficult to be sure. When I couldn’t make out his exact name, he said I could call him Sam, which I thought was very nice of him. My name’s Martin, but he was having trouble with that as well, so I said he could just call me “Mark”. Close enough is good enough in matters of international relations, I think.

So, I bet you’re wondering how this whole thing happened. Funny story… I was actually trying to get my mortgage modified and since President Obama announced that there was now a fabulous government help-line phone number I could call, I thought I’d give it a go.


And that’s how I met Sam… I mean Ashmi… or Assme… or Eshmi… I’m not trying to be insensitive here… I’m really not sure. The connection wasn’t bad, but I’m not all that familiar with certain Indian dialects, so it was difficult for me. Other people would do much better, I’m sure.

Anyway, Sam was very interested in helping me with my “loone mode,” was what I think he called it. He couldn’t tell me whether I qualified or not, or what the process would entail, but he was certain that my president had created something very wonderful and was quite taken with Mr. Obama. He asked me if I knew when President Obama might be visiting India and I told him I wasn’t sure, but would check and get back to him.

I asked him about my LTV and DTI ratios, and I told him about the hardship I’ve endured and he was very sympathetic, although he did say that over in India things are much worse. Apparently, and I did not know this, the average wage in India is around $1750 a year in American dollars… I think. The conversion process was cumbersome and I’m not nearly as up on the Rupee as I should be, for which I apologized. Again, other homeowners are probably more familiar with things like that, so by no means am I claiming to be a representative example.

After a while I realized that he wouldn’t be able to help me with much more than filling out a form and getting a reservation… at least I think that’s what he said he could do… don’t hold me to it. He might have been saying something about American Indians having to live on reservations, or something about his new revelations or relations… it was part of a conversation that was moving quickly and I was struggling to keep up. I said that I’d like to sign up for help and he took my information so now I feel a lot better about saving my house from foreclosure. I just hope that my local Post Office can read between the lines because instead of “Martin Andelman,” I’m pretty sure he’s going to be mailing stuff to “Marck Antlermon”.


It’s not really a huge problem, however, because he said someone might also call me back, and I’m almost positive he got nine of the digits right in my ten-digit phone number, so whew… dodged a bullet there.

So, I guess my government has leapt into action on my behalf and as of today… I have to tell you… I’m so relieved. After spending the last several months working around the clock to keep up with my mortgage payments… trying to hold on until President Obama’s housing rescue plan was ready to go, tonight… I’m going to sleep like a baby.

Thank you, President Obama! I agree with Ashhmii… no, it was Aeshemi… never mind, Sam… you really are proving to be everything the American homeowner could have wanted and more. Our prayers have been answered. I’m so glad I didn’t pay that law firm the $3500 they wanted to handle the loan modification negotiations with my bank. This way I don’t have to pay a dime, and I’ve already learned a lot about India, so I’m ahead of the game already.


See people… give Obama a chance… he’s making things happen for the middle class in this country. And if you call the government help-line, which is toll-free, by the way, and you happen to get Assmi… no, Asonomi… something like that… ask him if he goes by Sam… and tell him Marck said hello!


One Relieved American Homeowner from Main Street U.S.A.


P.S. Oh yeah, my new friend in India wanted me to pass something along to others in America. Apparently, the United States has many very good restaurants that specialize in the cuisine of India. My friend knows this, because he has a cousin that is over here working in one of them that is owned by his friend’s father. He says that when you eat in a such a restaurant, be sure to order the Beeryani, or Berryani, or Biryani, something like that… and to also try the Ulu Dartha or Aloo Paratha, I couldn’t be totally sure which one was right. Try sounding it out with your waiter, because although he couldn’t offer much information about my mortgage, Sam did seem to know a whole lot about Indian food.


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