The Voting Dead – A Tremendous New Series in January on FNN
The time is now, the place is here. But it’s not the here you remember.
A father wakes up in the hospital after being injured in a freak blogging accident to find the world he’s always known has changed. The country that was once considered the world’s most stable democracy is now being controlled by ghoulish, demonic creatures that were once human, but have returned from their graves to walk among us.
In this new version of America, millions of these creatures show up every two years to decide who will be elected to lead the United States of America. Some call it fraud, others call it fiction, but Americans refer to these terrifying beings who have come back from the underworld as…
THE VOTING DEAD
Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the voting booth…
7 Days a Week, Starting in January
On FNN… The Fake News Network
In this new zombie epidemic of apocalyptic proportions, our intrepid blogger leaves his hospital bed feeling confused and alone, but soon finds likeminded others who are also looking for explanations as to how this has happened.
Together, they become determined to find out where these creatures came from, hoping that if they can return them to their graves, they will return the country to the democracy it once was. Along the way, they must do whatever they can to survive the harsh new reality without losing their minds.
The group is dumbfounded when they find out that America is now being run by Donald Trump, a flashy hotel and casino developer and mildly popular reality television star.
Trump’s unconventional first act as president was to order that his name appear in neon lights atop the White House. He then converted the National Mall into an 18-hole, PGA rated golf course and the National Archives into a casino. Shops featuring clothing, jewelry and shoes by Ivanka have replaced the gift shops that used to sell American history oriented memorabilia.
Trump has decreed that only Fox News can be trusted to report news that involves him, his family, or his government. Instead of holding press conferences, Trump tweets whatever come to his mind each day. He attacks enemies with powerful alternative facts sent on Twitter in the middle of the night.
He cut all funding for the arts, so America’s museums now only display photos that show the size of the crowd at Trump’s inauguration. Broadway’s theaters have all been converted to high-priced condos.
The country is now encircled by a 40 foot wall, paid for in part by the Canadian government who wanted the wall to keep Americans from escaping to the north… and with taxpayer dollars that were once used to fund public education, now defunct.
American children now receive vouchers to attend Fox News-sponsored religious schools, however, in the Deplorable States many children get their educations by watching Fox News and doing their praying at home. The curriculum in fifth and sixth grade includes Amway Training 101.
To help keep Americans from getting into Canada, in addition to the wall, the Canadian government tried installing giant speakers along the border to broadcast Rush Limbaugh and Shawn Hannity 24/7, but it didn’t work. According to Red Gunderson, an Ottawa farmer…
“One night, I found a couple from Malibu huddled under an LL Bean blanket in my barn. Before Trump (BT) she worked as an environmentalist lawyer and he used to produce movies in Hollywood. They had very little food and no water, although they did have some interesting French cheeses and a very nice 2002 California merlot.”
We finally stopped the right wing broadcasts because they just weren’t doing enough, and besides with Rush and Hannity playing all day and night, my cows stopped giving milk.”
Much of the land on which the wall sits was purchased by Trump and the other billionaires he invited to serve in his cabinet that he refers to as partners or investors. The country pays $5 billion a month in rent to an offshore holding company.
Trump’s name is emblazoned every 50 feet on both sides of the wall, along with the phrase, “Keep Out! We’re Making America Great Again.”
New Mexico, which used to be one of America’s 50 states, has been converted into the world’s largest detention facility, housing over 12 million people accused of being rapists in the country illegally.
Imports are illegal as a result of Trump canceling all trade deals, so all products must now be made in the U.S.A. As a result, tee-shirts now go for $115, a new pair of Nikes costs $450, flat-screen televisions are $15,000 and up, and Wal-Mart now refers to itself as: “The Higher-Priced Leader.”
To offset the higher prices, Americans are all issued Trump Visa cards, so they can make payments on whatever they need at a very reasonable 14 percent, but with no annual fee.
Health care has become so expensive that only the wealthiest Americans can afford it. Everyone else in the country has filed bankruptcy after being billed for medical care, and Medicare and Social Security have both been privatized, so monthly Social Security checks are a thing of the past.
Americans are now told to invest their own money in the stock market, but most of those that do, lose it all every few years when the Secretary for Billionaires and Bankers, a new position created by President Trump to replace Treasury Secretary, decides it’s time for a crash.
Instead of Medicare, older Americans now receive a check from the government each year with which they may try to buy their own health insurance. Some do, while others use the money to buy drugs and alcohol. With Social Security no longer providing financial security to Americans as they get older, most seniors have decided that they don’t want to prolong their lives with unnecessary purchases like medical care and prescription drugs.
Stunned, our hero asks: “How could this possibly have happened?”
Others fill him in on what went on while he was hospitalized…
“It was The Voting Dead. That’s what did it. It was terrifying. I don’t think I can ever go back into a voting booth again.”
A woman adds, “When I left work early on Election Day to go vote, I never imagined the danger involved. There I was standing in line to show my I.D. I glanced at the person behind me and noticed that half his face was falling off. I started screaming and ran to my car.”
A member of the group in his late twenties chimed in, “I talked to one of them. The guy’s intestines were falling out of his gut… it was really cool looking. We started talking… the guy died in 2007, so we had a lot in common because I graduated from USC in 2007.”
In the first episode, titled: “Are You F#@king Kidding Me?” our hero and his band of liberal elites, lesbians and illegal aliens finds the new reality impossible to accept. Dead people voting is one thing… but President Donald Trump and a cabinet of billionaires running a country encircled by a giant wall?
All our hero and his friends can say is: “No way! Are You F#@king Kidding Me?”
They meet a group of wonky intellectuals and funny college drop-outs who are wandering aimlessly. They aren’t sure they can trust the outsiders until they find out that the group is a mix of former state department officials that resigned after Trump took over, and former cast members from Saturday Night Live forced to live as fugitives… to which they all reply, “Are You F#@king Kidding Me?”
Upon learning that Russia’s premier, Vladimir Putin, is now Secretary of State and that the CEO of Exxon/Mobil, now living in Moscow, has become the richest man in the world, our hero replies, “Are You F#@king Kidding Me?”
Then, in the last scene, when the group meets two Mexicans trying to escape over the wall into Mexico who are hungry after going days without food. The group tells them that all they have are ham and cheese on white bread with mayo, to which the Mexicans reply…
“Son ustedes putos bromeando?”
(Translation: Are You F#@king Kidding Me?)
Surprise, you’re already watching…
THE VOTING DEAD
Seven Days a Week, Starting in January
Only on FNN… Your Fake News Network