Support Obama’s Universal CarCare

Ladies and Gentlemen, the President of the United States…

My fellow Americans…

It’s no secret that millions of American families live with the constant threat of having to take care of a family car as it ages and requires more intensive repairs. In some cases we’re just talking about tires, breaks and tune-ups… but for less fortunate Americans, we’re talking about transmissions, exhaust systems, and even entire engines.  In many cases, these families are not only suffering from the financial burden associated with these repairs, but they are ending up being forced to take cabs and even ride busses.

We have to decide whether we, as the greatest nation on the planet, want our country to be a place where some citizens may not be able to buy some of the things they want, because they are faced with paying the bills associated with maintaining their cars.  I don’t think the American people want to think of their country in those terms.

That is why… I have told the Congress… that  I expect to see a bill on my desk by next month… that provides all Americans with Universal CarCare.  Now there have already been some… that would use this important piece of legislation to engage in politics as usual.  But this is no time for politics as usual.  This is a time for the Congress and the American people to stand up and say no.  No we will not allow our citizens to ride the bus.  We will not allow car repairs to prevent our citizens from purchasing recreational items like jet skis.  In this, the richest country in the world, we will provide Universal CarCare, so that every American can know that they will never face financial ruin because they forgot to change the oil, or because of a transmission.

Now, there are a lot of questions, and we won’t have all the answers at first, anyway.  What about windshield wipers?  Should the government plan cover paint damage in states where it snows half the year anyway?  I say Americans should have the same CarCare plan that members of Congress have… so when they need limousines, they can have access to a new government fleet of limousines.  No one should be able to get in between you and your car.  No one should be able to tell you what is, and what isn’t, an acceptable repair.  Americans love their cars and nothing should put that relationship at risk.

My Universal CarCare program will not cost most taxpayers any more money than they’re paying now.  I’ve proposed that the plan be funded through a special sales tax on jewelry, which after what I’ve done to the economy, no one should be buying anyway.  Those that do, will pay a tax, and that revenue will be used to fund Universal CarCare.  Most of you won’t even notice it.  And if that doesn’t cover all of the costs, I’ve authorized the Treasury to simply print as many dollars as we need to cover the program’s costs through the year 2050.

Americans deserve Universal CarCare, and now is the right time for the Congress to act in a bi-partisan fashion to make this country into what Americans have wanted from their government for far too long.  After eight years of the Bush administration, and over six months of me, Americans need Universal CarCare now, before I have to tell them that they’ll likely never be able to buy a new car again.

I’m sorry, but I won’t be taking questions at this time…

Bo needs to go out for his walk and Michelle’s in no mood…

Thank you.