Songs of the Mortgage Meltdown

Born To Loan

Sung to the tune of “Born to Run,” by Bruce Springsteen.

Verse 1:

In the day we’d pull them right off the streets and we’d sell “˜em the American Dream….

They’d buy into some mansion story, it was a suicide routine.

Stung by teasers, the payments were fine

Prepayment hits that were way far out over the line… Whoa…

Baby these loans could jump up in a snap

They were death traps, just like playing craps

From your own house you’d soon be thrown

`Cause scamps like us, baby we were born to loan.

Verse 2:

Will you let me in I want to be your lender

I’ll work fast with great precision

That house you want is only going higher, so there’s no time for indecision

Together we could break this bank

Well loan till it folds, then Freddie & Fannie we’ll thank

Whoa…

We’ve got loans that will make you a liar

Your signature is all you need to acquire

We’ll always win in the court of appeals

I’ll have the documents compiled by my girl who knows what to conceal.

Bridge:

Beyond all reason, no matter the season…

We financed the whole boulevard

The buyers only had to fog up a mirror

Put the down on a credit card

The amusing part that set us apart

Loans we packaged not a sole could resist

They would buy them by the billions without any fight

We even sold them to the Swiss… Hoah!

Verse 3:

The highways jammed with for sale signs

Barney says no one should be deprived

Everybody can qualify tonight

“˜Cause there’s no one that’s denied

Today it’s trendy you can live with the payments

Soon you’ll become the claimants in a lawsuit

Whoa…

Someday, but I don’t know when we’re going to get to a place

Where the people will say buyers should have known.

But till then scamps like us baby we were born to loan.

Foreclosed Again, Actually

(Sung to the tune of “Alone Again, Naturally,” by Gilbert O’Sullivan)

Verse 1:s

I remember just yesterday

I had a mortgage I could pay

Looking forward to, buying a condo too

‘Cause it was The American Way

But climbing to the top

I heard the bubble pop

And the market froze and I soiled my clothes

When the refi I locked was taken

Leaving me to doubt

About the Fed and its mercy

Oh Alan always kept rates low

Why did he desert me

Now they call me slime

But really I’m sub-prime…

Foreclosed again, actually.

Verse 2:

Looking back I know it appears

That I shouldn’t have gone in arrears

But I just couldn’t discard

Pre-approved credit cards

I had to keep up with my peers

When my payments started to rise

It came as a surprise

And my wife found out

That woman sure can shout

She cut my credit cards into pieces

So I went to the bank, they said yes, I could borrow

I signed the forms, I fit the norms

It was a new tomorrow

She was such a bitch

But with a second I felt rich…

Foreclosed again, actually.

Bridge:

It seems to me that there are more homes lost today,

But what about the lenders

Weren’t they offenders

I’d like to sue

Because they knew

Verse 3:

Then the banks ran out of dough

How it happened I don’t know

And Hank Paulson said

We’d soon all be dead

If billions we didn’t bestow

And I felt empty inside

Until I sued Countrywide

But when I got my check, I figured what the heck

So I went out and bought a jet ski

Then I realized

That I couldn’t get more money

My house appraised for an amount

So low it wasn’t funny

The door closed to the vault

Now my loan’s in default

Foreclosed again, actually.