‘Twas the Night Before Christmas 2012 – A Political Year-in-Review
It’s my annual political year-in-review holiday poem, read to…
‘Twas the Night Before Christmas.
Read it yourself below, or click ‘PLAY’ and I’ll read it to you.
‘Twas the Night Before Christmas 2012
Scroll down for links to the past five years of Night Before Christmas year-in-review poems…
‘Twas the Night Before Christmas 2012
And I knew into this past year I’d soon delve
As I write this year’s poem, about a year that was rocky
So, I cracked oped a bottle of ice cold dry saki.
An election year, Iowa the first event
The GOP made it the winter of my discontent
Listening to Santorum, Mitt, Paul, Perry and Gingrich
And don’t forget Bachmann, who is one stupid bitch.
Not that I liked Barack’s State of the Union
It was almost enough to make a Jew take communion
He said rich and poor, we must bridge the gap
Blah, blah, blah on the tax code, and miscellaneous crap.
He’d help those at the bottom come up through the ranks
Which I guess means give trillions to Wall Street’s big banks
Still, better than what GOPs would dispense
About immigration, Romney promised a fence?
Yes, throughout the debates insane things were debated
And yes, Newt dropping out left me elated
But Santorum remained, every word a distortion
He’s the best reason I’ve seen for legal abortion.
For 9 year-old poor kids, Newt had jobs cleaning schools
The GOP’s line-up was comprised of Mitt and 10 fools.
Headlines read: “Trouble in Syria Dramatically Increased,” and
“Michelle Bachmann Relieved Trouble Not in Middle East.”
Each month we were shown job growth up on a chart
Out-of-work engineers could now work at Wal-Mart
What was once referred to as America dreaming
Now was a nightmare, millions waking up screaming
Off Italy’s coast as they cruised on their trip
Found their Captain had never heard of going down with one’s ship
California’s federal appeals court refused to disparage
Those of the same sex out looking for marriage
Then tragedy struck out in Beverly Hills
The pop star whose voice rivaled Beverly Sills
Whitney found dead, the whole world bid adieu
We sang to the heavens, we will always love you.
Seeing riots in Greece, many sought clarity
And many grabbed dictionaries to look up “austerity”
The Greeks held elections so they could determine
Whether one would stand up to that obnoxious German
Iranian nuclear program advances
Led to sanctions and other diplomatic dances
Israelis were tense, some recited the psalms
Others said, “Oy vey,” as they loaded up bombs
Unemployment kept falling, without jobs created
It was only because fewer participated
And when Putin won in Russia’s election
We cried fraud, in our own mirror we saw no reflection
Then a defector, he left Goldman Sachs
In Goldman’s armor, there appeared a few cracks
Yes, this past year was one, that one couldn’t misread
The password on Wall Street was “unbridled greed.”
JPMorgan lost billions, their explanation was rambling
They spoke about hedging, but were really just gambling
Wall Street’s bankers we saw, would never be sated
But lobbyists ensured they’d never be regulated.
Facebook’s IPO, saw it’s share price get sliced
IPO stands for, “It’s probably overpriced.”
US Supreme said AZ must withdraw
On immigration, they had one wacko law.
Arrests without warrants, and our constitution
The court simply said, was too much devolution
The court also upheld ObamaCare’s mandate
They called it a “tax,” ending any debate
For left and right, every issue, it was a no go
There’ll be no fiscal cliff, only fiscal plateau,
At North Pole, the consensus reached by the elves
Was: “we’d lost our ability to govern ourselves.”
The EU in our footsteps, decided to follow
Cutting rates to near zero, a plan that is hollow
We’ve already done that, and it hasn’t changed lending,
And it’s certainly not interest rates, impeding our spending.
As to other ideas, the Fed Chair’s mind drew a blank
Rates are the main purview of the Central Bank
Then he hatched a new plan, though I thought he was teasing
He would go on forever quantitatively easing?
Many cried foul, claiming it’d be inflationary
But all he was hoping, was that it’d keep us stationary
Ben knew our economy was back in recession,
And that valor’s better part, was clearly discretion
The signs of recession, they did reappear
But all news is good news, in an election year
Obama campaigned saying we were getting healthy
While Mitt’s platform was, vote for me if you’re wealthy.
Yes, I think Romney’s fate was set in cement,
When he said what he did about 47 percent
But the Summer Olympics, they made quite a scene,
Was I high, or did James Bond parachute in with the Queen?
Syria it seemed, would have civil war
Which is oxymoronic, of that I am sure
Rover landed on Mars, but it’s hard to stay glued
When 47 million now use stamps to buy food.
And who’s this guy Assange, his first name is Julian
Who went jaunting about, to Ecuador from Bouillon
The whole world sure does listen, whenever he speaks
The U.S wants to kill him, over his wiki-leaks.
The Dems had a convention, although I don’t know why
Bill Clinton speaking never leaves a dry eye
When Barack and Michelle stand with William and Hill
Our president’s face looks like he just drank swill.
Then the US Ambassador in Libya was killed,
Not sure what really happened, but Fox News sure was thrilled
They tried hard to use it, to prove Obama unfit
So that some independents would instead vote for Mitt
But Hurricane Sandy soon took over the news
Obama decided that with Christy he’d schmooze
And that was the end of the Bain CEO
He might as well have gone home, to his favorite chateau.
Five million homes lost, many in states that would swing,
But neither guy running, would say a damn thing
So, Barack won the election, on his main component
That he wasn’t as bad, as his Wall Street opponent.
I might have been dreaming, did meningitis come back?
They called it an “outbreak,” or an outright attack
I heard General Petraeus had had an affair
And I tried really hard to find reason to care.
Apparently, he resigned as CIA Chief
I thought to myself, “Whew, now that’s a relief.”
And in the same vein, news of a Royal Baby
Could I have cared less, no not even maybe.
The most tragic thing happened, to close this year’s book
Nothing need be said, about the school Sandy Hook
I’ll say no more here, about guns or the parents
Our prayers are the only thing that need be apparent.
So, with my wife and daughter all safe and in bed
I had known for a long time this year I would dread
This would be the last time, we’d have children here
Next year they’d be young adults and the thought brought a tear.
I pledged to myself to make the most of our time
And happy that I’d managed to make this past year rhyme.
I was comforted by a thought I had stored in my knowledge
That she’d still be my baby, I’d just move near her college.
Then out on the lawn there arose such a clatter
I sprang to my feet to see what was the matter
It was Santa, he smiled and said he’s committed
Where she wants to go, he’ll make sure she’s admitted.
Then he asked what I wanted for Christmas this year
I replied nothing, and was not insincere
For surrounded by good friends on this Holy night
Was all I could ask for, it made every thing right.
Then he sprang to his sleigh, and in the wink of an eye,
He took off in a flash, into the starry night sky
And I heard him exclaim as he flew out of sight
Hope to see you all next year, Merry Christmas and Good Night.
Ho, Ho, Ho…. Merry Christmas Everyone!