‘Twas the Night Before Christmas 2012 – A Political Year-in-Review

It’s my annual political year-in-review holiday poem, read to…

‘Twas the Night Before Christmas.

Read it yourself below, or click ‘PLAY’ and I’ll read it to you.

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‘Twas the Night Before Christmas 2012

Scroll down for links to the past five years of Night Before Christmas year-in-review poems…

~~~

‘Twas the Night Before Christmas 2012

And I knew into this past year I’d soon delve

As I write this year’s poem, about a year that was rocky

So, I cracked oped a bottle of ice cold dry saki.

 ~~~

An election year, Iowa the first event

The GOP made it the winter of my discontent

Listening to Santorum, Mitt, Paul, Perry and Gingrich

And don’t forget Bachmann, who is one stupid bitch.

 ~~~

Not that I liked Barack’s State of the Union

It was almost enough to make a Jew take communion

He said rich and poor, we must bridge the gap

Blah, blah, blah on the tax code, and miscellaneous crap.

 ~~~

He’d help those at the bottom come up through the ranks

Which I guess means give trillions to Wall Street’s big banks

Still, better than what GOPs would dispense

About immigration, Romney promised a fence?

 ~~~

Yes, throughout the debates insane things were debated

 And yes, Newt dropping out left me elated

But Santorum remained, every word a distortion

He’s the best reason I’ve seen for legal abortion.

~~~ 

For 9 year-old poor kids, Newt had jobs cleaning schools

The GOP’s line-up was comprised of Mitt and 10 fools.

Headlines read: “Trouble in Syria Dramatically Increased,” and

“Michelle Bachmann Relieved Trouble Not in Middle East.”

 ~~~

Each month we were shown job growth up on a chart

Out-of-work engineers could now work at Wal-Mart

What was once referred to as America dreaming

Now was a nightmare, millions waking up screaming

  ~~~

Off Italy’s coast as they cruised on their trip

Found their Captain had never heard of going down with one’s ship

California’s federal appeals court refused to disparage

Those of the same sex out looking for marriage

 ~~~

Then tragedy struck out in Beverly Hills

The pop star whose voice rivaled Beverly Sills

Whitney found dead, the whole world bid adieu

We sang to the heavens, we will always love you.

  ~~~

Seeing riots in Greece, many sought clarity

And many grabbed dictionaries to look up “austerity”

The Greeks held elections so they could determine

Whether one would stand up to that obnoxious German

 ~~~

Iranian nuclear program advances

Led to sanctions and other diplomatic dances

Israelis were tense, some recited the psalms

Others said, “Oy vey,” as they loaded up bombs

 ~~~

Unemployment kept falling, without jobs created

It was only because fewer participated

And when Putin won in Russia’s election

We cried fraud, in our own mirror we saw no reflection

 ~~~

Then a defector, he left Goldman Sachs

In Goldman’s armor, there appeared a few cracks

Yes, this past year was one, that one couldn’t misread

The password on Wall Street was “unbridled greed.”

 ~~~

JPMorgan lost billions, their explanation was rambling

They spoke about hedging, but were really just gambling

Wall Street’s bankers we saw, would never be sated

But lobbyists ensured they’d never be regulated.

 ~~~

Facebook’s IPO, saw it’s share price get sliced

IPO stands for, “It’s probably overpriced.”

US Supreme said AZ must withdraw

On immigration, they had one wacko law.

 ~~~

Arrests without warrants, and our constitution

The court simply said, was too much devolution

The court also upheld ObamaCare’s mandate

They called it a “tax,” ending any debate

 ~~~

For left and right, every issue, it was a no go

There’ll be no fiscal cliff, only fiscal plateau,

At North Pole, the consensus reached by the elves

Was: “we’d lost our ability to govern ourselves.”

 ~~~

The EU in our footsteps, decided to follow

Cutting rates to near zero, a plan that is hollow

We’ve already done that, and it hasn’t changed lending,

And it’s certainly not interest rates, impeding our spending.

 ~~~

As to other ideas, the Fed Chair’s mind drew a blank

Rates are the main purview of the Central Bank

Then he hatched a new plan, though I thought he was teasing

He would go on forever quantitatively easing?

 ~~~

Many cried foul, claiming it’d be inflationary

But all he was hoping, was that it’d keep us stationary

Ben knew our economy was back in recession,

And that valor’s better part, was clearly discretion

 ~~~

The signs of recession, they did reappear

But all news is good news, in an election year

Obama campaigned saying we were getting healthy

While Mitt’s platform was, vote for me if you’re wealthy.

 ~~~

Yes, I think Romney’s fate was set in cement,

When he said what he did about 47 percent

But the Summer Olympics, they made quite a scene,

Was I high, or did James Bond parachute in with the Queen?

 ~~~

Syria it seemed, would have civil war

Which is oxymoronic, of that I am sure

Rover landed on Mars, but it’s hard to stay glued

When 47 million now use stamps to buy food.

 ~~~

And who’s this guy Assange, his first name is Julian

Who went jaunting about, to Ecuador from Bouillon

The whole world sure does listen, whenever he speaks

The U.S wants to kill him, over his wiki-leaks.

 ~~~

The Dems had a convention, although I don’t know why

Bill Clinton speaking never leaves a dry eye

When Barack and Michelle stand with William and Hill

Our president’s face looks like he just drank swill.

 ~~~

Then the US Ambassador in Libya was killed,

Not sure what really happened, but Fox News sure was thrilled

They tried hard to use it, to prove Obama unfit

So that some independents would instead vote for Mitt

~~~ 

But Hurricane Sandy soon took over the news

Obama decided that with Christy he’d schmooze

And that was the end of the Bain CEO

He might as well have gone home, to his favorite chateau.

 ~~~

Five million homes lost, many in states that would swing,

But neither guy running, would say a damn thing

So, Barack won the election, on his main component

That he wasn’t as bad, as his Wall Street opponent.

~~~ 

I might have been dreaming, did meningitis come back?

They called it an “outbreak,” or an outright attack

I heard General Petraeus had had an affair

And I tried really hard to find reason to care.

 ~~~

Apparently, he resigned as CIA Chief

I thought to myself, “Whew, now that’s a relief.”

And in the same vein, news of a Royal Baby

Could I have cared less, no not even maybe.

 ~~~

The most tragic thing happened, to close this year’s book

Nothing need be said, about the school Sandy Hook

I’ll say no more here, about guns or the parents

Our prayers are the only thing that need be apparent.

 ~~~

So, with my wife and daughter all safe and in bed

I had known for a long time this year I would dread

This would be the last time, we’d have children here

Next year they’d be young adults and the thought brought a tear.

~~~

I pledged to myself to make the most of our time

And happy that I’d managed to make this past year rhyme.

I was comforted by a thought I had stored in my knowledge

That she’d still be my baby, I’d just move near her college.

 ~~~

Then out on the lawn there arose such a clatter

I sprang to my feet to see what was the matter

It was Santa, he smiled and said he’s committed

Where she wants to go, he’ll make sure she’s admitted.

 ~~~

Then he asked what I wanted for Christmas this year

I replied nothing, and was not insincere

For surrounded by good friends on this Holy night

Was all I could ask for, it made every thing right.

 ~~~

Then he sprang to his sleigh, and in the wink of an eye,

He took off in a flash, into the starry night sky

And I heard him exclaim as he flew out of sight

Hope to see you all next year, Merry Christmas and Good Night.

 ~~~

Ho, Ho, Ho…. Merry Christmas Everyone!

 Mandelman out.

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 For a Walk Down Memory Lane, Check Out These Years-in-Review Night Before Christmas’ too!

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