Obama’s Figured Out What’s Missing in Our Economy…

Jobs?  No.  Credit?  No.  An honest administration looking out for the best interests of the people? Of course not.

What we’re apparently missing is the “spirit of innovation” and according to the president, we have to recapture it.  I knew this was going to end up being our fault somehow.  Okay, who was supposed to be watching our spirit of innovation?  I told you to keep the cage door closed…

The president went on to explain that innovation has been an essential part of our past… okay, fair enough… the industrial revolution, computers, stuff like that… fine.

Then the president cited the most recent Commerce Department report, which he said shows that in the past few months the economy overall has done “measurably better than expected.”  He credited his $787 billion economic stimulus program for much of that progress, although he hasn’t actually spent much of that money as yet, and the GDP numbers only went up as a result of financial nonsense… oh who cares… let him believe whatever he wants at this point… I’m tired.

“This and the other difficult but important steps that we have taken over the last six months have helped put the brakes on this recession,” Obama said, lying through his teeth.

Then he mentioned his administration’s efforts to limit home foreclosures and unlock frozen credit markets to encourage lending to people and businesses, along with the mixture of tax cuts and spending included in the stimulus program, and his nose actually grew 7 inches.

Obama then reminded the nation that full recovery will not happen overnight, but rather will take many more months, which shocked me.

Let’s chant together… I say: What do we want?  And you say: Full Recovery!  And I say: When do we want it?  And you say: Overnight!  Come on, let’s do it again…  this is fun… I love his Saturday morning radio addresses.

Then he said: “Even as we rescue this economy, we must work to rebuild it stronger than before. We’ve got to build a new foundation strong enough to withstand future economic storms and support lasting prosperity.”

See, why can’t we fix things so we don’t need it stronger than before?  If the next economic storm requires an even stronger economic foundation than this one wiped out, I’m not sticking around to watch this time.  I’ll be on Kauai in Hanalei at the Pavilion playing my ukulele at sundown.  If you know where I’m talking about, meet me there and bring a bottle of wine, would you?

And then he went on… because that’s what he’s good at: “That means having the best-educated, highest-skilled workers in the world, a health care system that fosters innovation by holding the line on costs, building a clean energy economy and investing in research and development.”

Here’s a guy that can’t even slow down foreclosures in Arizona, and he’s talking about the best and the best?  Slow down there, Cowboy Barry… we’ll take mediocre anything if you figure out how we can borrow a nickel again without selling drugs on the side and declaring it on our income taxes.  And how do you foster innovation by holding down costs?  See… he and I have totally different ideas of what words mean.  And then we’re going to build a clean energy economy and then invest in research and development… don’t those two things need to be reversed in order… in order to make sense?

But wait there was more… Oh joy… “It is only by building a new foundation that we will once again harness that incredible generative capacity of the American people.  All it takes are the policies to tap that potential — to ignite that spark of creativity and ingenuity — which has always been at the heart of who we are and how we succeed.”

Alright, this is the part of his speeches that always make me dizzy and lightheaded… did someone just turn off a light in here?  A few things before I pass out… I don’t want to be harnessed, nor do I want his policies to tap my potential.  And nothing personal, but I know a lot of you American types, and I’ve never been all that impressed with your “generative capacity,” whatever that may mean.  I like you guys well enough, but I certainly wouldn’t describe your generative capacity as being incredible.  Doesn’t make you bad people… I’m just saying.

Then Oblabla went on about his health care fetish, saying that without changes to the system, health care costs that are rising many times faster than inflation threaten to bankrupt the U.S.  He then urged lawmakers to “seize this unprecedented opportunity for the future of our economy and the health of our families.”  This is a good opportunity to fix health care for all Americans… because we’ve clearly got nothing else to work on, and we’ve certainly got that kind of cash laying around, so why not?

In the GOP address, Sen. John Thune of South Dakota contended that the Democrats’ current proposals do not improve health care because it would force millions of people in employer-based coverage into a government-run system.  And then he added that the president was clearly a socialist version of Satan who once dated the Weather Underground’s Bill Ayers.

And in closing Obama said that he would discuss the foundation he wants to lay when he makes a second presidential visit to Elkhart, Ind., this coming Wednesday.  Layoffs in the recreational vehicle industry have led to an unemployment rate near 17 percent.

Ah, to be in the RV industry today… where the U.S. automotive industry meets the vibrancy of housing.  Kind of gives you chills, doesn’t it?  Now there’s opportunity, let me tell you.  But Oblabla had an answer for Elkhart too:

“For communities like Elkhart to thrive, we need to recapture that spirit of innovation that has always moved America forward,” he said.

Perfect!  Did you hear that Elkhart?  Get off your lazy behinds and commence innovating… with spirit.  I’ve got something… a personal size RV that doubles as a coffin, so you can drive around until you run out of gas, blow your brains out, and then someone can just roll you into a landfill.  So, it needs work… at least I’m trying over here…

See you next Saturday, Mr. President!


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